Sunday, 25 July 2010

The perils of the wrong number.

I found this going through some of my old stuff, and it gave me a giggle recollecting the incident, so, with no more waffle from me, here is my post, The perils of the Wrong Number! Happy dialling!

 The Perils of the Wrong Number.

I'm a bad typist, despite over 20 years of pounding on keyboards; I use the delete key more often than any other it seems. This fumble fingeredness isn't just manifested at the computer keyboard, it follows me to phone keypads, ATM keypads and fax machines.

Now, mate that ability to get things wrong with the fact that fate likes to play games with me, as anyone who knows me well will have worked out for themselves, and a simple wrong number for me can lead to all sorts of strange things happening.

Take for example something that happened a few weeks ago. A friend who I had not seen in years had come around when I happened to be out, scribbled his number on the back of a envelope and shoved it through my letter box, telling me he was a night owl and to phone him when I got back, no matter how late.

Having spent the day being my mothers private chauffeur, I neglected to see this tatty scrap when I got home, got on with sorting out the cats, having a bite to eat and relaxed, and eventually found it when I was checking all was locked up before going to bed.

Seeing it was 2am, and knowing my ability to get things wrong, I thought I would be clever and send a text message first! Thinking myself clever, I sent the following txt;

"Hello! Thought I would send a txt first in case you are asleep, I don't want to wake you. If you are up, please text me back and I will phone you."

Got a text back 5 minutes later which read;

"Call me."

Right, I thought, all is well, although something was giving me the distinct feeling that this was going far too well for me, and I should be careful. So, I instructed my mobile to dial the number I had earlier entered in my contacts and heard a friendly "ring, ring" in my ear. After the fourth ring, it was picked up, and I heard... silence.

"Hello?" I said, sort of feebly, by now, my sense that all was not right was screaming at me.

"Hello!" said a cheery voice from the other end.

Stunned, I almost dropped the phone. I had been expecting the gruff voice of my old friend; instead, there was a very cheerful sounding young lady!

"Erm... You aren't ***** are you?"  I asked, which was a pretty stupid question as modern medicine can do much, but it can't change voices to that extent.

"No, I'm not." said the voice, "But, seeing as you woke me up with your text, you can keep me entertained now until I am ready to go back to sleep."

"Erm...." I mumbled into the phone.

So, the next hour was spent discussing the weather in true British style, although we did digress into politics, science, work, economics and history. Then she said she was ready to go back to sleep, thanked me for the chat, said goodbye, and put the phone down.

I have to admit, as far as wrong numbers go, it could have been a lot worse!

I have also been the victim of a wrong number, or rather, a over zealous phone company re-using a number far too quickly.

When I got my new mobile, I would often get calls for "John" with an order for fish and chips and a juicy sausage. It seems John runs a mobile fish and chip van in Northern Ireland, and had neglected to take his old number, my new number, off his van. Some of his customers were very persistent, so in the end I would give up and tell them that that the order would be ready in 20 minutes, and they got a 50% discount for being such lovely regulars. I feel for John...

So, do any of you have tales of wrong phone numbers?

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